Iron Man has a Date with Thor
by TLCinternational
Summary: Iron man and Thor go through a common, ordinary day. As they never get along, it creates a bit of conflict while it also becomes amusingly funny.
**A Date with Thor**

Once upon a time – _for the sake of cliché_ – there was a God named Thor. Everyone knows Thor, member of the Avengers, the father of lightning, and all that yada yada yada. However, let us skip to the most interesting part of this story: me. Everyone knows and loves me, so congrats folks, you are about to witness a story told by Tony Stark himself. Exciting isn't it? No? Well maybe this will make it interesting: I am Iron Man.

I could say that this particular time that Thor and I had a fun, totally harmless encounter didn't really end up in a couple of ruined buildings; then again, I would be lying. The moment when a god decides to fix an ordinary painting in his own "home" here on Earth and above all that, tries to act like a "normal" human being while doing it is the definition of ridiculous. Thor, my great friend – _in the most ironic way possible_ – you aren't and will never be normal, so deal with it, you blond, blue eyed, picture-perfect man. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So it all started when I was at home and bored out of my mind. I didn't feel like building another iron suit - _Look how that turned out the last time_ \- And for that reason I decided to do what I do best, which is basically to look amazing – _I'm kidding, but am I?_ – But really, maybe look amazing while I bother someone else then. I put my suit on and went out flying from my glass balcony, having one goal in mind: Find the long, blond haired woman like god.

While I was soaring through L.A. – _and looking wonderfully amazing I might add_ – there he was _. Wait, is he driving a car? Thor the God of lightning is driving a car?_ _Well, this is very amusing_. Did I mention that he was having a hard time with it? Well, he was and it was simply hilarious. I mean, has he never driven a car before? Don't they have cars in Ashgoo or Aqua or whatever weird planet it is that he came from? Obviously, now we know the answer to that. I can hear him saying the words "well, I can fly without a suit and I have a very big, heavy hammer only I can lift, ha ha". _Well, you know what, you perfect- looking god? I am much cooler because I can shoot your face with my iron hand, so take that!_ Anyway, back to the point here – _sorry, got a little bit carried away with my ego_ – I laughed and shouted out his name from above, while I watched him make a fool of himself in that car: "Do you need a little help there?" _– I really don't want to help him, but just for the heck of it_ – "Go home Stark, I'm fine" He answered back.

I smoothly landed – _as always_ – in front of the car that wasn't even moving and had smoke coming out of its engine and said: "oh my god, what a lovely cape, where did you get it?"

"It was Odin's on Asgard"

– _Oh, so that's the name of the planet_ – "Vintage, so adorable"

"Um, thanks?" – _That is the ugliest cape I have ever seen, I mean really? Where is his sense of style?_ – I continued to annoy him, purposely of course: "You know you would cause a lot less attention to your amazing driving skills if you wore better, oh sorry, normal looking clothes, right?"

"You should never forget that I have a pet hammer and it loves to hurt iron suits."

"Oh, whatever, where are you planning on going with that car anyway? Are you lost?"

"Please, just trying to be normal for once. People look at me strangely, it's annoying"

"Trust me on this, they look at you weird because of your face, hair, and adorable vintage cape" – _and maybe the fact that you're destroying the city with a car_ –

"Why are you still here?"

"I could ask you the same thing dear old friend. Did you forget you're a pretty, little blond bird that can fly?"

"I'm done talking to you." Well, someone has anger issues.

So he just walked off into the horizon, looking twice the size of a buffalo, heading to wherever, I don't care anyways. He bores me. We are all supposed to "get along" since we save the world and all of that. We are the Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing. But let's do a head count here: we have the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; and a couple of master assassins – _oh, and me of course_ – but yes, we do have a hulk. Moving on now, I decided to go home, Jarvis can be way less boring then Thor. _I mean, what use is it to have a heavy hammer and be as boring as a door? Exactly what I thought, none._

"Morning, Jarvis."

"Welcome home, sir… You appear to be distressed, sir."

"Yes, Jarvis, well, I am bored."

"Again, sir?"

"Yes Jarvis, again."

"Analyzing your friends list, sir, it seems that you only have one person you spend most of our time with."

"Don't you dare tell me it's Thor the god."

"Perhaps he is your only option, sir."

"Ah, great, fine!" Then I flew out, maybe a little angry and stressed out, but anyway, why not go bother Thor some more.

I found him at a random street, holding a key in his hand and walking up the front steps of a house. His beaten up car was "parked" in the drive way, _and I bet you know what I mean when I say it was parked, right? Sure, you do._ I landed right in front of the door before he got there and facing him I said "what? You do know you have a hammer that could open that door for you right?"

"Why are you here? Again?"

"Just bored with Jarvis, so I decided to come spend quality time with my girlfriend."

"Funny Stark, you said it yourself, I have a hammer." So after a couple of threats, we went into that house and I realized… that was Thor's house. "Oh my god, you bought a house? With what money? Did you sell your hammer?"

"You are the stupidest creature who ever walked this earth, hope you know that. I mean, take that suit off of you and what are you?"

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. But how about you? You're an alien trying to be normal!"

"I'm not an alien!"

"Well then, son, you've got a condition."

"Just get out of my way Stark."

"Fine, but I'm not leaving."

So I went around his house, looked around a little bit, then as I got back to where Thor was, he looked distressed, looking at a painting on the floor and scratching his head. He then picked it up, placed it on the wall very randomly and let go of it – _probably thinking it would stick back? Puny gods_ – and as you can imagine, the painting dropped back on the ground. He scratched his head again, as if this was mad science. I couldn't take this nonsense and so I mocked him a little bit "I think you have to put a new nail in the wall, then hang it. But you know, what do I know, I'm just a genius."

"A nail?" Then he starts simulating him ripping out his nail.

"Oh my god, not your actual nail kind of nail!"

"What nail then?"

I looked around for a tool box somewhere, found it. "This nail." He took it from my hand and examined it as if it were an alien – _I love puns_ – then he asked: "How are we supposed to put this in the wall?"

"Oh my god, Thor! Don't you have a hammer or something?"

"Oh, yeah!" So he called his mighty hammer, and just swung it against the wall. Surprise, surprise, the whole wall came down.

"That's quite a big hole on the wall for this tiny nail… don't you think?" He looked at me with the killer assassin kind of face. "Or not, this hole is perfect, perfect hole."

He goes to the next wall and I say: "Maybe a little less strength this time, blondie." _And there we have it, another death stare_. He hit the wall with the hammer like a crazy hulk and destroyed it completely, _again_ , I guess he didn't know what it meant to use a little less strength. "Let me try this time."

"With my hammer? Are you kidding?" he laughed at me – _he? Is laughing at me? Oh no._ – "If I lift it, do I get to rule Asgard?"

"Yes, of course."

"I will be fair, but firmly cruel."

"No, I'm sure"

I try, but with no success at all: "what if I put the hammer on an elevator?"

"It will still go up."

"Elevator's not worthy." I thought about it for a second and said: "its biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation."

"Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: you are not worthy."

– _I didn't want to rule Asgard anyway_ – I took him to a new wall and he got his hammer, when he was about to swing it into the wall I said: "well, if you wanted to smash everything, you could've just called the hulk."

"Fine, no one has to break anything."

"Clearly you have never made an omelet." _I beat him by one second just like that – don't even try to understand, I'm a joker_ – moving on, I showed him the tool box again and told him to find the drill.

He found it after a lot of hard work and said in a very amazed tone: "It appears to be powered by some sort of electricity!"

"…well, you're not wrong."

"How do I use this thing?" – _It's like teaching a baby how to bungee jump_ – "You plug it in and turn it on… with the button"

He plugged it in, turned it on, and I instructed him to make a tiny hole with this on the wall, as high as he wanted his painting to be. He didn't even know how to do that and I laughed as loud as I could – _I mean, this is ridiculous_ – "I'm only going to say this once Stark!"

"How about 'non'-ce?"

"That's it!" He grabbed his hammer and hit me. – _Guess he got angry_ \- I broke his ceiling and once in the sky, used my powered hands to stop from going into outer space. I went back down as fast as possibly could and clenched my hand into a fist. "Jackpot!" – _Hit him right in the face_ – as we both layed down on his very destroyed house I felt like I should say something. Oh, if only Cap was here – _Captain America, the avengers' captain_ – he would definitely know what to say or he would probably punch us both. Then Thor says: "Stark, we need a plan to fix this!"

"I have a plan: fix it!"

"Well, that helped a lot, thanks."

"Well, I wasn't the one that went all hulk and smashed everything." – _Shouldn't have said that, I expected that punch anyway_ \- We both got up and I decided to help him. I went up to an empty, un smashed wall and got the drill, I drilled a tiny hole and placed the nail, then I calmly hangged the painting and voila – _Its actually not that easy with a suit made of iron you know_ – but all done. He looked at me weird and I felt obligated to advise: "If you kiss me, I will burn your face off." – _Well, shouldn't have said that either, another punch in the jaw, this guy has got to stop punching me all the time_ – "you're welcome"

There we've got it folks, and the end. Now you're probably thinking "what? That's it? That is the worst ending ever." And you're right, that is it and it is the worst ending ever, but nothing with Thor is ever magical, except for his hair. That's pretty magical - but never tell him I said that.


End file.
